Why Christmas 2020 Should Be 55 Days

It’s that kind of year


Christmas celebrations this year should’ve started on the first day of November.

Before anyone starts arguing with me about Thanksgiving, I’ll just say it: Thanksgiving sucks! Pumpkin pie and cranberry sauce absolutely slap, yes, but I sure didn’t need a whole holiday for them. Thanksgiving is so boring. Did it really make you feel any better about the state of the world? Did you spend that Thursday in a great mood, or was it just kind of slow and boring? If not, invite me next year, because I spend every Thanksgiving impatiently pacing around the kitchen for an hour.

You know, Christmas never lets me down. It’s very hyped, yeah, but not overly so. Any day that consists of presents, hot chocolate, pajamas, sugar cookies and a nostalgic movie from simpler times cannot fail. Every symptom of my depression goes dormant from December 24th to 26th. It’s amazing.

I’m gonna be real with y’all, I’m usually opposed to celebrating Christmas too early. I tend to value the time between big holidays. But this year, I feel like we could’ve honestly abandoned Thanksgiving in favor of Christmas. We, as humanity, are feeling pretty down with the whole end-of-the-world thing we’re living through. I know not everyone loves Christmas, but hey, a cookie shaped like a snowflake or some pretty lights isn’t gonna make anyone feel worse about 2020, right?

Halloween, though, should never be put on the backburner. So I’m glad it wasn’t this year. I needed my costumes, candy and movies about horrifying creatures. After that, though, I was fully prepared to listen to “Sleigh Ride” until it haunted my dreams. And let me tell you, getting a job in December absolutely causes you to know Christmas music way too well. I work for three hours, and I hear that one Christmas song by Katy Perry every shift. It’s not great, but it’s seasonal! I’ll take anything I can get at this point.

Back to the matter at hand. I’ve been in Christmas mode since the day after Halloween, and I think that’s valid this year. If, somehow, you’re not feeling holly or jolly yet, you should try to fix that. Treat yourself to some peppermint bark (unless you’re a monster who doesn’t like it). Watch as many versions of The Grinch as you can bear. Drive around a rich neighborhood and be bitterly impressed with their decorations. Put a spoon under your pillow and hope we get a snow day. Or something like that.

Happy holidays, everyone. Well, let’s try to make them as happy as we can. As wacky as things have been lately, it’s gonna be okay, so we should enjoy ourselves this winter. Stay safe, and if you’re feeling down, go smell some pine needles or something. Just… inhale the season. With your mask on, of course.