As the students of St. George’s Independent School get ready to stuff their faces just as a turkey is stuffed for eating, I will be putting a large amount of information into their minds on how to make a full Thanksgiving dinner in the tiled and freshly carpeted dining hall. A five-course meal begins with a soup, followed by an appetizer, then a salad, entrée and finally dessert.

DISCLAIMER: vegetarians and vegans should not follow these instructions.

Soup

Waltz on over to the sandwich line and plop three turkey slices in the bowl. The bowl is now lined with delicious turkey flavors. Whatever soup is being served, ladle it into a beige bowl with red lining and admire it for a brief moment. Now that every component of this treat is complete, give everything a nice whirl to ensure that the turkey zest has been infused into your pre-appetizer snack. Congratulations, you have accomplished the ultimate Thanksgiving soup.

Appetizer

Beginning with two turkey slices, place the pieces of meat on a plate of your liking. Then mosey to the goldfish in plastic cups towards the front of the food room. With an intense about of enthusiasm and care, wrap the snack that smiles back in the meat and consume. Ta-da!

Salad

This is the last dish before the main meal and is all about personal preference and having it your way. Get however many turkey slices you desire and carry them over to the bar of salad creation. In a food transportation device of your choice, place however many green leaves you care for on the tableware. Now take the turkey and pull it apart. Sprinkle these freshly made turkey bits all over the rabbit food. You have just built a salad no bunny could ever fathom.

Entrée

Almost the most important part of munch-time, the main course, is next. If bacon bits are available at the salad bar, go on and get a nice handful. As you turn around and walk to the sandwich line in slow motion, compliment yourself for all the astonishing works you have prepared in the past five minutes. This will give you confidence in your hardest task yet. Pick up two slices of salami and displace the air off of the circular meat with the salty bacon bits you have held onto so dearly. You will now get two pastrami cuts and wrap those around the salami. Ham is then wrapped around the pastrami, followed by the awe-inspiring turkey. Then place this mound of meat, some cheese and whatever else your beating heart desires in between two bread slices. With the utmost pride and sense of accomplishment, strut to the Panini presser and throw the art you have created amidst the searing hot metal grill. Push down with all of the strength you have left and extract from the maker an entrée that will be admired for generations to come.

Dessert

Lastly, the part everyone waits for, what this entire article has been leading up to, the answer for all of life’s problems: dessert. Approach the glass gates or cold storage (refrigerator) and snatch either a vanilla or chocolate pudding. If there is turkey left in the sandwich line, select the best piece you can see. With this piece in your dominant hand, remove the plastic lid and begin scooping the gelatinous substance of wonder and joy with the folded portion of turkey into your jubilant but exhausted food cruncher.

Pictures of Caroline eating these food items will be up next week.